I know this may seem strange for some people, but there are times were I find myself addicted to my past. Unable to let go of the sins that God has already forgiven me for; running back to my vomit, and I don’t know why I expect anything to feel different than the last time. Has anyone else felt this way? Like no matter how deeply I know I’m forgiven, I keep looking back to that time and reliving the hurt? God gave me a word about that and I thought I’d share it here with you this morning.
For me, I’m going to have to look at myself like I’m in a recovery program. Almost like a rehab for Christians who have a hard time letting go of the past. So I’m going to slightly adapt the Twelve Step Program to work for the Recovering Sinner: Sinner’s Anonymous.
1. We admit we were powerless over sin—that our lives had become unmanageable.
I will admit that only God has the power over sin, and that my life is a mess when I try to do His job…
2. Come to believe that God can restore us to sanity.
I will to stop doubting that God can and will do a miracle in my life.
3. Make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God.
I chose to turn over all of my past, good and bad, to God. Trusting Him with my life and my well being.
4. Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
I will take stock of all the junk I keep picking back up and hold it up to His revealing light.
5. Admit to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
I will finally confess that I have a hard time forgiving myself of my past and I will find someone I can call on to help me to remember that I’m a forgiven child of God.
6. Be entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
I will be open and cooperate with God as He heals my heart.
7. Humbly ask Him to remove our shortcomings.
I will acknowledge that I am flesh and ask God to remove the thing that is in me that causes me to doubt His forgiveness.
8. Make a list of all persons we have harmed, and become willing to make amends to them all.
I will make a list of all the people my repeated doubt has hurt and apologize, as well as try to make things right.
9. Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
I will be aware of anytime my doubt hurts someone and immediately apologize and try to make things right.
10. Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
I will continue to be aware of my feelings and doubts, asking God to forgive me as soon as I do.
11. Seek through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understand Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
I will continually seek God’s will for my life and the power to carry out His will through prayer and meditation on His Word.
12. Have had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we try to carry this message to sinners, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
I will grow closer to God and Jesus through this process and reach others with His message of hope for the lost, and I will continue to practice these steps throughout my walk.
I have to believe that I’m not the only one who feels this way, so if you’re struggling with this too, know that you’re not alone. Reach out and quit trying to do this by yourself. That’s what the kingdom is all about, a support system. Lean on other strong Christians so you can grow strong enough to be leaned on one day…