So, to pick up where I left off, Ben (my soon to be ex-husband) had called me out to the house to pick up our youngest child because he was having car trouble. As I pulled up to the house that we had shared for years, I prayed that things would go smoothly and there wouldn’t be a confrontation. I was hoping he wouldn’t mention the text I’d sent a few days eariler telling him that I still loved him. But God didn’t forget it, and was using that text to open a door and Ben’s heart.
I knocked on the door, but no one answered. I tried the door and since it was unlocked, I walked in. Sarah, our youngest, was eating in the livingroom and Ben was nowhere to be seen. I called for him and found him in a back bedroom, huddled in the corner crying. At first I thought about just taking Sarah and letting him deal with whatever he was going through, he probably didn’t want me anywhere near him anyways. But some still small voice told me not to leave. I stood in the doorway of the bedroom asked him if everything was ok, if his family was alright, thinking his great-grandmother was sick or something like that. Again, that still small voice urged me to go over and comfort him. He still hadn’t answered me by the time I’d gotten to him, and it was still a few minutes before he could calm himself enough to tell me that everyone was okay. What he said next threw me for a loop and all my inhabitions went out the window.
“I just want to die.” Here was this man, my man, the strongest man I knew, curled up on the floor and being so brutally honest that my walls fell down immediately. It began slowely at first, a gentle touch, just to let him know I cared and that I was there for him. I listened as he told me that he was at the end of his rope and he was ready to either walk away or die. I began to cry for him and after an hour in that room, something had transformed in both of us. We began talking about us and where we stood as individuals and as a couple. I told him about my encounter with God and His fierce love and I could see that Ben was closer with Him too. So, with a new sense of purpose and promise in our marriage, we prayed together that God would show us His plan.